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Showing posts with label 10. December 2011. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 10. December 2011. Show all posts

Thursday, July 12, 2012

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Working Men

Day 270: Monday, December 5, 2011

I got my first Japanese magazine job... and it pays well.

* Also my exhibition at Logos gallery in February is still on. Originally I was going to do a collaboration with my best friend Yosuke
, but since he will be busy with his own show around the same time, we decided that I should go solo instead featuring the one-year anniversary of Talking Barnacles. In addition, my first real book "Modern Times" is finally confirmed and will be published in Japan on my birthday in April.
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Hiroshima
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A Chinese Family (Photo: Ian and Hannah's Birthday Dinner)

Even though, I haven't mentioned my friend Hannah on Talking Barnacles before, she is actually like family to Ian, Yuki, and I. She often spends the night at Hatagaya Hills (the nickname we give our house) and then the next morning cooks us a late breakfast with lots of healthy vegetables to show her gratitude; she also gives us plants and flowers to make our house greener, which Yuki always end up killing; and she is the only woman who I can speak filthy to in Japan for fun because I know she doesn't mind. Unfortunately for us, like what most young foreigners living in Asia will one day have to do, she is moving back home to face reality, which I think is quite brave.

Good luck, Hannah.
We will miss you.
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Ian And Yuki Leaving For Their Month-Long Honeymoon
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Watching The Lunar Eclipse
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Hi Yuki,

How are you guys? Safe and sound?

Willy’s doing fine. I took her to the vet and they pulled out her broken tooth. They gave her antibiotics and said she should be better soon.


She is getting fat too, and she has been really nice and cuddly to me these days.

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Miss you lots!

Love,

P
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Day 279: Wednesday, December 14, 2011

It happened again. Today I got an email from my new gallery. Since they heard that I have a book coming out, they are forcing me to postpone my February exhibition of T.B. to April in correspondence with my Modern Times book release even though I tried to explain that my planned exhibition and book are totally different projects. Their reply was that it is just “good business”, but in my opinion, what’s usually good for business is probably not good for art. Now my two big separate events of the year are all globbed into one and now I feel bullied and cornered into exhibiting Modern Times instead because, in my mind, it would be like having a cup of orange juice and a cup of milk at the same time, which on their own are both wonderful, but drinking them simultaneously is a bad idea. The only “strategic” and smart thing to do for my career now is to just have an exhibition of Modern Times, which in reality I have no interest in doing because Barnacles is the one I really love.

Since this show
as well as the one for the department store, which I had deviously planned on calling Photographs of my Willy, were both up in the air (regarding the latter exhibition about my cat, I finally ended up surrendering and paying them back), I no longer had anything to do for the day or for the rest of the month for that matter, so I met up with Yosuke at a cafe, but our usual talk about art and the act of struggling didn’t quite rev me up like it usually did- instead it just made me more frustrated especially when he told me about the painter Robert Coutelas. According to the biography that Yosuke had just read, Coutelas couldn’t handle the bullshit either, so he quit the gallery system and unsurprisingly ended up destitute. One day when he finally got enough money to reward himself with a nice steak from the butchers, he came to the warped conclusion that if he were to actually eat it, he would just yearn for more and since he couldn’t afford another, it would be like torture. He ended up throwing the steak into his fireplace and watched it burn instead, and then went to bed hungry. In the middle of the night, his empty stomach got the best of him, so he got up, sifted through the ash, and ate the charred remains…

Afterwards, at a bookstore, since I was in a bad mood, everything that I saw annoyed me. I then walked over to the English aisle and found Hemingway’s A Moveable Feast because a few days before, I had seen and liked Woody Allen’s latest film, which was loosely influenced by it. In the film, Allen’s imaginary Hemingway said to the time-traveling Owen Wilson
something that I really liked and agreed with, which was:

All cowardice comes from not loving or not loving well.

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The Japanese Hemingway

In regards to this, a stranger wrote me a few days ago. Actually she wrote me a few times before as well, and each time saying that she liked me and was pressuring me to meet her because she liked my photos, which immediately sounded like a bad idea. To be polite, I told her that we should just correspond by mail first instead. The more I found out about her life, the more it seemed that she was just lonely and unhappy and was dreaming for some quick solution, which, in her opinion, was me. I wanted to explain to her that like the fake Hemingway quote, my discovery doing Barnacles, which was that if you are always looking somewhere else, you will probably never find what you are looking for. Beauty and love has always been there in front of you and that you just needed the right attitude to see it… and that even though, she thinks she likes me and thinks she knows me because of everything that I had written down and photographed here, it isn’t really me because people in real life and on the internet are always different. Anyways I finally kind of began to understand how the girl that I liked for the past half year must have felt when I kept bothering her (which made me wonder if you can even call it love if it’s only one-sided).

Afterwards I followed Yosuke to the art supply store because he wanted to buy a canvas for his exhibition next month. When he found the right one, he said with a big grin that he was filled with tension and was excited about painting on it, but since I still had three hours to kill before meeting another friend for dinner, Yosuke said that he would wait and keep me company for a little while longer.

We ended up at a donut shop in Shinjuku, which was filled with teenaged girls. When I sat down and turned to put my jacket over my chair, I accidentally saw some girl’s panties because her skirt was extremely short and she was bending down in front of my face (*beauty is always staring at you in the face). I turned back to Yosuke, but was too embarrassed to mention my discovery. We then talked about what he should paint, tossing ideas back and forth, until he suddenly gets hit with one. With another big grin, he said that the image had always been there on the canvas and that now that he had seen it, he just had to fill it in. I could see how excited he was to begin working on it, so I let him leave early and then to kill another hour, I began reading my Hemingway book, hoping to find quotes, connections, or answers to my life that were not there.

When it was about time to go meet my friend, Yu, I walked to the station and once again was surrounded by beautiful women as well as Christmas lights, but I knew that like the panties from earlier, they were all an empty illusion. Fifteen minutes later, I arrived in Shibuya and was no longer so angry or frustrated as I was earlier. Like always, seeing Yu made me smile.

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Yu-San

During dinner, when she mentioned that I hadn’t posted anything on Barnacles lately, I confessed to her that I was currently in a rut. We caught up on our lives, and then
after dinner exchanged Christmas gifts.

When I arrived back at my station, I kept thinking about before how when most people met me for the first time after they had seen
My Little Dead Dick, they always mentioned that they thought that I would be crazier or more exciting in person, which I always took to heart that I was a let down to them... Now about five years later, while walking home the same insecurities got the best of me again and made me text Yu, asking her, "Because you met me after you read Barnacles, how do I compare in real life?" Five minutes later, she answered back, "You’re the same. Did that answer your question??? "

When I got home, I fed Willy and the fish, and then ate a papaya. Afterwards
I checked my email and found out that the big advertising campaign that I was hoping to get in China, which would have solved financial problems, went to someone else. When I told my best friend Shawn the news, he said he was sorry, but, at the same time, was selfishly excited because now I could spend the holidays with his family in Nagoya instead.
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Day 280: Thursday, December 15, 2011

Today, right after I had spent about 1,000 yen on groceries, I found 1,000 yen on the ground. After I had picked it up and confirmed it was real, I couldn't help but think: "Maybe my luck is changing..."
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A Photograph Of My Willy... On My Willy
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A Shock For The Neighborhood

Day 284: Monday, December 19, 2011

A friend from out of town came over around 12:00 A.M. We slept in the living room. Willy was with us on the sofa bed, but eventually we kicked her out to make love. I woke up sometime later to go to the bathroom and then went back to bed, leaving the door ajar. Because it was warm, Willy soon joined us again and was purring like crazy. Eventually we made love again regardless that Willy was there, but she quickly got annoyed and, this time, left herself.

When I got up again, it was around 11:00; and while I was making pancakes, Willy came in through the kitchen window for her breakfast like usual. I mixed her medication that the doctor had prescribed with her cat food, but she only took a few bites because I think Akimoto-san, the cat maniac, had already fed her. When my friend and I were having our pancakes, she jumped on my lap and I gave her a small piece. She seemed to like it, so I got the idea to sneak her uneaten meds into the pancake, but once she realized what I had done, she was no longer interested.

My friend and I left the house around 1:00. As soon as we opened the gate, we saw Willy beginning to walk away into the distance. She must have just left the house too, but from the kitchen window. When she turned and noticed us there, she came running over to say hello, which was rare since she is always such a princess and it is usually the other way around. I was touched, so I petted her and then we continued on our way. She followed us a few meters then stopped and sat down. I took a few steps more, and then turned back to give her another pat on the head because she was so cute and then said goodbye. It was the last time I saw her alive.

On the way back home, I got an anonymous call. It was from Hayato’s dad and he sounded serious, but since I was getting on the train, I told him I would have to call him back. When I arrived in Hatagaya, I called him and he asked me where I was and when I would get home. When I asked him what was up, he just said that I’d better hurry because it was about Willy. I thought it must have been related to her recent illness or that she had gotten into trouble, but when I saw Hayato’s dad waiting for us in front of the butcher shop, which was still blocks away from my house, I knew it had to be really bad… In one sentence, he told us:

Willy got hit by a car and was killed.

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I turned the corner and noticed that there were about eight or nine people standing in front. When Hayato saw me, he yelled my name and came running over, and then I knew it was real... He grabbed my hand and then walked with me back to the crowd. I saw Akimoto-san, his friend Otsubo-san, our neighbors, and some other people that I recognized but never formally met. Our gate was open and on the ground was a cardboard box. I found out that just before the police had cleaned up the mess and put her in it. Incense was burning and they told me the details; and then they asked me what I wanted to do with the body. Akimoto san left and then five minutes later came back with a pamphlet about cremation. Since Hayato’s dad had the day off the next day, he said he would accompany me to the temple because I was totally lost on what to do. And then after that was taken care of, they suddenly asked me if I wanted to see her. Since they had told me that she got hit several times by multiple cars, I hesitated for a second and then got down on my knees and opened it. A white towel was covering her, but the top of her head and a little paw was sticking out, which I used to love stroking… so I stroked it.

Otsubo-san, the other cat maniac who lives in the tall apartment complex across from Akimoto-san and who had fed Willy over the summer, left just after I had arrived. He didn’t say anything to me or to anyone else because I knew he must have been too heartbroken. Akimoto-san, on the other hand, held it together the whole time and even came back with flowers.

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...My landlord’s son, who is about twenty-five, told me that he was the last one to see her alive because he had fed her around 5:30 and then left to run an errand. When he came back fifteen minutes later, she was already dead.
A little later, when we all crouched around Willy, he placed his hand on the towel that covered her body and asked, “Hi Willy… Did you get enough to eat before? You are very lucky, huh...? I hope you are still full now…” and then he began tearing up, and then my friend, who was next to him, did too, and then I couldn’t help it and succumbed to it as well.

In the end, it was nice to see all those people there for Willy. The funeral arrangements were going to be expensive, and everyone was nice enough to chip in to help. Akimoto-san told me that after the cremation, we would have to keep her remains in our house, give her offerings, and pray for her everyday for forty-nine days, which is the same for humans, because after the forty-ninth day, the spirit is set free.

My friend and I took the box inside after everyone had gone back home, and I made us some tea and showed her all of the photos of Willy on Talking Barnacles from the very beginning… and we laughed. I realized then how important it was to have recorded everything because moments go by so fast and we forget them so easily. Some other people, who had just heard the news, kept popping in to pay their respects, and then after they were all gone and it was quiet again, I petted Willy and thanked her for the fun year.




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The Funeral

Day 285: Tuesday, December 20, 2011


Cold morning. No time to write Ian and Yuki before the ceremony. Can’t bring myself to do it either…

On the way back home after the cremation, I noticed that the temple was near my friend’s house. We also passed a fancy donut shop and stopped. My friend and Hayato’s mom went to buy some while Hayato’s dad and I stood by the running car for some fresh air.

When we arrived back to Hatagaya, our landlord’s son was outside and wanted to pay his respects, so I quickly made an altar for Willy in the kitchen where she usually slept. After he burned some incense and prayed, he shyly asked me if he could have a picture of Willy (which I had already planned on giving him as well as for the other neighbors later).

For lunch, we had Italian, and after I ate carbonara pasta and six pieces of bread, I got real sleepy from not sleeping the night before and could barely open my eyes. On the way out, Hayato’s parents paid. My friend and I took a two-hour nap, and then printed photos for the neighbors in the upstairs office. Afterwards I sent my friend off to catch her train in Shinjuku, and then bought some frames.

When I got back home to Hatagaya, I gave everyone their photos. Akimoto-san came by afterwards to pay his respects. After he did, I made him some tea and he told me that one of his cats had died in October as well. At that moment, I decided to show him Barnacles, which I had always worried what he and the other neighbors would think if they had ever found out, but he seemed to like it.
When we came across a photo of Ian and Willy together (the photo of the double chin), he said that Ian would be heartbroken, which I totally agreed, and then we discussed whether to tell my roommates about it now or after Christmas so it wouldn’t ruin their holidays, but finally decided that it was better not to wait.

While we were looking at T.B., Akimoto-san also mentioned that he and Otsubo-san had never seen Willy sleeping before, and it was nice to see this other side of her. It was then that I realized that I should still do the Willy exhibition that had been canceled before, but, this time, just a private one in front of my house for the people in the neighborhood because after last night, I could see how much she affected everyone.

Eventually after Akimoto-san had left and I was finally alone for the first time since Willy’s death, I wrote Ian and Yuki a long letter and then took a shower. When I was done, they called me and were both crying. They were on some island in Mexico and were getting ready for their flight to America to spend Christmas with Ian’s family. Eventually we moved on to talking about other things and began to feel a little better and were even laughing. At the end of our conversation, they invited me to Yuki’s parent’s house in Fukuoka for New Years, which sounded very tempting.