Jill The Pill

I’m sleeping on the couch because there are fleas in my room. Ian and Yuki just got home. I think it’s about 5:00 or 6:00 in the morning because it’s light out. I just woke up from a dream about making spaghetti with my elementary school crush... We were cooking a nice gourmet spaghetti dinner for lunch at her house (or was it my house?) then we were going to eat some more elsewhere afterwards, but some other people at the house (maybe my roommates) made an insensitive comment, which unwinded her. It had to do with her mom getting bit by a poisonous snake when Jill, my elementary school crush, was a baby… Anyways, her mom survived… and back in the present, Jill cried in the kitchen, so I put my arms around her and comforted her. When she calmed down, we realized that we should hurry back to the dining room table and eat because the spaghetti was getting cold, and on top of that we were now running late for the second part of our spaghetti date at some restaurant...

The front door opened, Ian and Yuki came in, and then I woke up. Coming to my senses, I realized that was the second time I dreamt about her this month. Strange.

I met Jill in the second grade. She had long blonde hair and was the prettiest girl in our class; and I am sure everyone had a crush on her too. Every week our class would get to go to our school library and the librarian would read us a book. One week, she chose a book called Jill the Pill and surprisingly we found out that Jill the Pill had a brother (or was it a friend…? I don’t remember) called Pat the Rat (I guess it was her brother because that would be a terribly mean nickname for a friend)… but anyways it was a revelation for me because it was like fate had written our love (actually my one-sided love) in stone. After that day, the book became our little inside joke that Jill and I shared…

But then Steven Racoon came along… Actually his name was Steven Laphoon (I am not sure the spelling), but my mom could never pronounce his name properly because of her bad English, so it always sounded like Steven Racoon whenever she referred to him. Steven was also blonde… and had blue eyes… and was good looking… and good at sports… This was the time before I realized that I didn’t have a chance in the world with Jill because of the whole social ladder bullshit of real life, so when I got my first camera – it was a black Polaroid Cool Cam (Cool Cam was written in red cursive lettering!)- I proudly showed it off to Jill the next day at her desk, but then the Racoon swarmed in and took over the show.



Four years later, Steven moved away.

When I was in middle school, my some-what friend Ryan told me that he heard that Jill said she liked me (now I am wondering if that was just a wicked prank because Ryan always did that kind of thing… I remember he had once hid in the bushes and when my best friend Michael’s older sister was rollerblading by, he shot her with a metal bb and then my friend's family called the police on him). Anyways the news left me stunned since she was now like the first or second most popular girl at our school. Automatically I thought that I should like her back then, so after school I went up to her and asked her nervously, “Do you want to go out?” At that time, I didn’t really no what that meant… I thought it meant to go steady instead of actually going out to somewhere on a date. I think I caught her by surprise, so she told me that she would have to think about it. For the rest of the day, I was so worried, but the next morning she said okay, which if I remember correctly made me really happy. After that we never really talked much during or after school except for once. A few days later when I was playing basketball at recess, she came over and sat down on the sidelines with her friends. When everyone stopped to take a break, I sat down next to her and put my arm around her neck even though I was gross and sweaty. I felt really proud then (although now I think she must have been totally grossed out). I realized then that I should ask her out on a real date somewhere, so later when I got the chance to be alone with her, I invited her to go to Bob’s, which was the only restaurant in the general neighborhood and because they had really good hamburgers and fries…

Finally the big day arrived. I was so nervous (I think I even put on cologne). When I met her, she had brought her best friend Tera for support. During lunch, I thought I did a good job being funny and entertaining... and when the bill came, I said that I would pay and took out my wallet and bought her lunch (with my mom’s money)(I didn't pay for Tera). Anyways I thought my first real date was a big success.

The next day she called and broke up with me. Total: we dated for a week.



Later that year, Steve Racoon came back one day to visit, but surprisingly he was still almost the same height as he was in the second grade. Anyways he was still fucking popular and tore up the basketball court with his best friend Kevin, who was also blonde and had blue eyes and was also really good at sports. Kevin was a dick. I still remember how he burned me once during the second grade at recess. After we played handball, I made a comment like “Now let’s play freeze tag,” and he dryly replied, “Let’s not, but say we did,” which made me feel so uncool and stupid back then.

During our last year in middle school, Kevin dated Jill as well, but for a much longer time than me… maybe it was for a few months… and then in high school, Kevin became a football player (big surprise) and dated Tera (another big surprise), who of course was a cheerleader along with Jill the Pill. Who did Jill date in high school? I don't remember or maybe I never knew since by then I stopped keeping track of their lives because during my sophomore year, I had finally found something more beautiful than they were called art.