(Photo: Hatagaya Fudoukan)

Day 297: Sunday, January 01, 2012

In the afternoon, while my friends and I were in my kitchen eating zoni, a traditional Japanese food for New Years, an earthquake hit. While the house shook and I did my best to keep the fish tank steady, I thought that because it had been a while since we had a quake, especially a big one like today’s, maybe it was God’s dirty joke that even with the New Year here, it’s not over yet, or at least a reminder that we should not forget.

After the party and all the guests had left, Tomo and I opened all the doors and windows to let some fresh air in. While we were cleaning the house, a lot of people kept stopping by to ask about the photo of Willy on our gate, which I hung outside in her memory after she had died. When we informed one woman on our block with her four-year-old son about what happened to Willy, they asked if they could come inside to pay their respects. Afterwards we gave them some chocolates and they told us some stories about our cat. One was regarding her two-year-old son:

Whenever the mom and her two kids left the house or came back home, Willy would often be outside hanging out. The two-year-old son would always point and yell, “Willy da! Willy da! (It’s Willy! It’s Willy!)” Now, when the son sees some random cat on the street- even if it’s a black, white, fat, or skinny one- he will point and yell, “Willy da! Willy da!” every time.

Otsubo-san (Cat Maniac #2)

Day 301: Thursday, January 05, 2012

This morning I woke up thinking about someone, who is better not to mention anymore, and during that time my heart welled-up with emotions and felt like it was going to burst. I wonder why feelings are always so much more intense when you wake up. I have this theory that it’s like being reborn day after day... and that before you have time to put up your trained defenses, your pure and untainted feelings are exposed like a baby for a few fleeting moments…

Anyways after working on T.B. and I was heading out of the house for groceries, I thought of another girl- my friend who was with me when Willy died- and how even though I thought of us just as friends, she said she loved me the night after we cremated my cat, which immediately made me withdraw inside and pull up my guard. When she left the next day, I was relieved and felt bad for feeling that way since she was supportive the whole time about Willy and, in general, she is a kind person.

A couple days after, she mentioned that she was coming back to Tokyo on the sixth for business and asked if I was busy, but since I didn’t want to lead her on anymore, I told her that I didn’t know yet and would get back to her. Since then, every time, she texted me to say hello and see how I was doing, my replies would get slower and slower and shorter and shorter. Because the date of her inevitable visit approaches, I texted her yesterday to see if she was still coming, but because I think finally understood the subtle messages that I’ve been trying to give her, I’ve gotten no reply back so far...

Now as I walk to the grocery store, I feel torn while in the back of my mind wondering about all the things we do just to get through the day.

Ian and Yuki Back at Home

Installation Day

Day 303: Saturday, January 07, 2012

While we were celebrating with our neighbors this evening, an old lady(shown directly above) stopped and asked if the cat in the photos had died. She looked shocked and then told Yuki that because she had never knew Willy’s real name before, she always called her "Mi-Chan". She said that she would often see Mi-chan walking around outside and, thinking that she was hungry, she would lead her to a house where there was always food out for stray cats. All of a sudden, right in front of us, she clasped her hands together and began to pray asking God to tell Willy to go to heaven and protect us. When she was done, she opened her eyes and muttered, “I wonder what kind of star she will be…”

Anonymous Message #1

"Sometimes Willy has moments when she looks almost human. My girlfriend often said that Willy’s face looked like her grandma, who had passed away. Since then, between the both of us, Willy was called 'Sueko-san'- the name of her grandma.

The 19th of December (the day of Willy’s death) was our one year-anniversary since we started dating, so I wondered, 'Why today of all days?' I couldn’t tell my girlfriend about what had happened to Willy then. Around the end of the year, I finally got the courage to do it.

Willy gave me lots of things. For one, I think she taught me about love."

Opening Day (Photo: Yuki, Hayato, and Grandpa)

Day 304: Sunday, January 08, 2012

My designer came by during her morning jog while I was fixing photos that had fallen down. Her cheeks were flushed from running and the cold. Even though I am supposed to be over her, as much as I tried, I couldn’t help thinking how lovely she looked.

(Photo: "Modern Times" Book Design Begins)

Anonymous Letter #6

"Once when my daughter was in the first grade, she went back home after school, but realized that she had forgotten her keys that day. She was too shy and embarrassed to go to her friend’s house or go back to school to tell her teacher, so she began to cry. While she was crying, Willy came from out of the blue and consoled her.

From that day on, whenever Willy saw her on the street, she would always go over and say hello. To my daughter, Willy was like her friend. Also for our dog, they acknowledged each other’s presence. Thank you. We won’t forget."

Mikan and Hashi

Yosuke

Day 315: Thursday, January 19, 2012

Yesterday because many people stopped by to see the Willy exhibition throughout the day, I didn’t have time to work on my book or on Barnacles, which left me feeling uneasy. This morning, when I finally had a moment to myself and was about to write, I heard someone come down the stairs and enter the bathroom. I kept hoping that whoever it was that he or she would go back to bed afterwards, but soon the kitchen door opened and it was Naoyuki, our houseguest. He sat down next to me and began talking about photography at 7:50 in the morning, so I gave up on working again. After we had toast, I decided that I since I wasn’t going to accomplish anything staying here that I might as well go to the gym to work out my frustration.

At the gym, my bouldering friend was not there, so I had the place to myself and as I climbed, listening to a generic mix that they had on called Music of the Millenium, I realized that my designer had not written me back yet… Last Friday, she invited me to a lecture, which I wasn’t very interested in, but because she had invited me, I went. An hour into it, I had to leave early in order to make it on time for Yosuke’s exhibition opening. Before I left, I invited her to join, but she said it didn’t seem likely that she could go. Later at the party though, she texted me and said that she was on her way. A lot of my friends were surprised to finally meet her including Yosuke whose knees buckled when I introduced them.

The night ended nicely and of course the next day, she filled my mind all day. As I tried to edit my book, I was stuck. The following day, it was the same- it was the fourth day straight where I hadn’t accomplished anything. I knew I needed some outside advice, so I texted her but to my surprise she refused and said that I should just ask the designer that my publishers had hired. From her message, I could tell that she was mad that she wasn’t able to design my book even though I tried my best to get her the job, but failed. By the end of the night, I had a panic attack and wrote my publisher that I couldn’t edit anymore and would let them handle it, but the next day, Yuki helped me and I finally got into the flow.

Yesterday in the shower, I thought of my old designer and was still mad- mad about how she burned me in my time of need, so I wrote her a message, which was probably too harsh, and now she hasn’t written me back. I know that she understands that I did try to get her the job, but like a bad seed growing inside, I bet she wonders how hard because I fell prey to it too. A month back, when I as still in the discussion stages with the publishers, more than once the thought of choosing someone famous did cross my mind because I was getting insecure since this would be my first big book and I didn’t want to blow it, but in the end, I did remember what she had done for me in the past, so I fought for her, but like most battles, I lost. I hope she knows that I was a dick to her the other day because I was hurt and that in actuality I would do anything for her if I could or, let's say, if she would let me.

Day 316: Friday, January 20, 2012

This morning I woke up a little later than usual. I put a pot on the stove to make some tea but then realized that I had to take a shit, so I turned off the gas and went to the bathroom. When I was done, I opened the window, and then discovered that it was snowing.

Later I took a walk because it was beautiful out. I made my way over to Akimoto-san’s place and saw him outside. We talked about the weather as well as the Willy exhibition. He mentioned that on the message board outside my house that it said that anyone in the neighborhood could ask for a copy of any picture on display, and I said that was correct. He then asked if he could have the one of his mom with Willy, which left me confused because I had never met her before. After he explained exactly which photo it was, I finally made the connection and said I would make it as soon as possible.

Afterwards I walked over to Nakano Street where I usually buy my lunch, and today since it was snowing, all the bento ladies were huddled in the entrance of an office building seeking shelter, which was very cute. Our houseguest, Naoyuki, and I had lunch together and like always we talked about photography. During these conversations, Naoyuki always ends up regurgitating what his teacher, who is one of the most famous photographers in Japan, has brainwashed him to believe about what is good and bad art, which always makes me mad because art is relative to each person and I know that deep down that is not what Naoyuki really thinks. I ended up retorting that it’s more important to listen to himself than to others regardless of how famous they are because only he knows what’s right for him and what he really wants to do, but to no avail.

After lunch, I went back to work editing Modern Times on the living room floor. Ten minutes in, I was already very irritated because I was having trouble, which was when Ian knocked on the door and then came in. Since I was no longer in a talkative mood, I made no big effort to greet him. While I was hunched over with my back to him, he said, “My dad…” and trailed off. Immediately I felt guilty because I thought it was going to be bad news or something serious, so I turned around and gave him my full attention. He continued, “My dad and I were just talking about you…” which caught me by surprise again. “He and my mom both really like Barnacles. They’ve recently discovered it and have been following it everyday.” When I heard that my cold heart melted instantly and it made me happy- happier than it would hearing the same news from Naoyuki’s insanely famous teacher because, to me at least, it’s not that big of an accomplishment to please people who are just like you with the same interests, but, instead, what’s more meaningful is if you can reach anyone else.

Closing Night

Cat Maniacs in Hibiya Park